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Saturday, May 5, 2012

Canine Politics:The Logical Fallacy of Personal Attacks


Personal attacks on the intelligence or character of public figures have become a normal part of public discourse on almost any subject these days. Consider as one example, the recent exchange between the Obama and Romney presidential campaigns about sensitivity to dogs. 

The Obama campaign has chided Gov. Romney for an incident years ago when he put his dog in a crate on top of his car and drove to Canada. David Axelrod, the president's chief campaign strategist, recently tweeted a picture of him in a chauffeur-driven car with his dog Bo, with the caption, "How Loving Dog Owners Transport Their Dogs." The Romney campaign countered with a passage from President Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, in which he recalled eating dog meat as a young boy in Indonesia. I call it a draw on the dog insensitivity challenge.

More serious attacks on public figures' intelligence or character are standard on the political talk shows on the 24/7 cable channels. But it seems to me that calling people stupid or lacking character is becoming increasingly common in everyday conversation about people with whom we disagree for one reason or another. Such ad hominen attacks, as philosophers refer to them, are resulting in less thoughtful political discourse in this country, in which a robust market place of ideas is vital to the functioning of democracy.

Philosophers argue that an ad hominen attack is a logical fallacy because the argument or claim by someone is rejected on the basis of some irrelevant fact about them, such as whether they care about dogs. An ad hominen attack generally occurs in two steps: 1.) First an attack is made against the character or intelligence of the person; and 2) This attack is then presented as evidence to refute their argument or claim. That is, neither Romney or Obama, depending on what side of the fence you stand, should not be elected president in November because they are insensitive to dogs.

Put another way: 

1. Person A makes claim X. 
2. Person B attacks the character or intelligence of Person A. 
3. Therefore Person A's claim is false, even though the attack on them is irrelevant.

How can we elevate public discourse on significant issues? Letting politicians know that ad hominen  attacks insult our intelligence by declining to vote for them would be a good start. But we perhaps could start the process in our living rooms.

Disparaging a public figure's intelligence or denigrating their character because you disagree with their politics, sexual orientation, or faith, or because you simply don't like them, takes neither intelligence nor courage from the safety of our living rooms. And when we do so repeatedly, we collectively endanger the future of this country:

--Talented and accomplished men and women, the ideal citizen-politician envisioned by the framers of the Constitution, decline to run for office because they will have to subject themselves and especially their families to personal attacks.

We should always consider that we might perceive a politician as dumb or dishonest because we not understand their policies. As Albert Einstein once put it, “Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”

--Gay and lesbian boys and girls who grow up in a culture in which some would call them “defective” too often fail to reach their full potential because they lack self-esteem, living lives of quiet despair which too frequently end in suicide.

The world is full of extraordinarily talented gay, lesbian, and transsexual people. Consider as just a few examples, dancer Alvin Ailey, author Truman Capote, singer k.d. Lang, actor Neil Patrick Harris, or tennis player Billie Jean King. If folks such as these, who have contributed so much to the world, are defective, what does that say about those without their intellect, talent, or accomplishments who just happen to have been born heterosexual?

--Labeling them as “hypocrites,” “self-righteous,” or “deluded,” inhibits people of all faiths—Christian, Muslin, or Jew—from publicly expressing their religious beliefs to the extent they wish—in a country whose original settlers sought religious freedom.

People of faith are not better people than those who are atheists or prefer not to participate in an organized religion. Practicing a religion is no guarantee that anyone will become a better person. Yet those who strive to be better people by any means should be respected not scorned. It is certain, however, that belittling anyone’s beliefs, religious or otherwise, will make you a lesser person.

And if you have need to make such ad hominem attacks, remember that you harm not only those you denigrate, but also those who love them. Everyone is someones daughter or son, mother or father, husband or wife, or sister or brother. It should not matter whether we know them personally or not.

If you want a better political system, the change has to start in your living room.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Triathlon Workout Thoughts

The paperback edition of my book, Triathlon Workout Thoughts: Essays by a Man with Too Much Free Time, is No. 1 this morning among recently popular humor essay books on Amazon.com.

I am, for one, flabbergasted by how well the book is doing. I understand that I am indebted to Dr. Michael Blowhard for it success.

My next book, A Momentous Event: A Sordid Tale of Blogging, Clairvoyance, Secrets, Twisted Sex, and Love, will be available in about two months. This novel is based on characters from the essays in Triathlon Workout Thoughts.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Triathlon Workout Thoughts: Essays by a Man with Too Much Free Time

My book, Triathlon Workout Thoughts: Essays by a Man with Too Much Free Time, has recently been outselling humor books by Tina Fey and Chelsea Handler in both ebook and paperback form.

How did this happen?

I haven't a clue. Apparently, readers enjoy reading about my dodgy life, aliens disguised as Bubble Butt People, fake professors working in a journalism department at a nonexistent university, professional cycling, fake news stories, goofy politicians, and offbeat reactions to news events. Go figure.

One thing for certain is that I have made Dr. Michael Blowhard as famous as he thinks he is.

The book can be downloaded free at Amazon.com for Amazon Prime members or $3.99 otherwise.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Announcing Publication of Triathlon Workout Thoughts

My book, Triathlon Workout Thoughts: Essays by a Man with Too Much Free Time, is now available on Amazon.com. Just click here to purchase.

The book is a compilation of essays from this blog. But it contains some new material as well. You'll enjoy the fine poetry.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

World's First Cycling Diaper Introduced

Incontinent Multisport,Inc. announced Monday that it will begin selling the world's first cycling diaper.

Incontinent Multisport CEO Kim Smith told The Smith Report,  "I saw a huge need for such a diaper. The diaper will be marketed to two groups of cyclists: the advanced wheel men and wheel women who need to pee on the bike in a race and older cyclists who no longer have complete control of their bodily functions."

Smith said that the cycling diaper had been developed with the input of both professional and geezer cyclists.

"We had both groups wear the cycling diaper on their bikes. Afterwards, we conducted several focus groups with them to find ways to improve the product.

The biggest problem with the cycling diaper in the early tests was a tendency for it to disintegrate within 15 miles after the testers had done their business in it, Smith said.

"As it turned out, the solution was quite simple," Smith said. "I was playing with my young grandson one day when the solution came to me. We had the cyclists wear a pair of rubber pants over the diaper. Problem solved."

Cyclists who participated in the tests said they were enthusiastic about the cycling diaper.

Aussie professional triathlete Beth Lawler said she was grateful for the much needed product.

Lawler said, "For years pro triathletes have been peeing on their bikes to avoid losing time. It was bad, bad news to to be directly behind someone when they let loose. Pee everywhere."

 Aging recreational cyclist Ricky "the Hammer" Scott said the cycling diaper would probably prolong his participation in the sport.

"At my age, I'd go out for a long ride and have to stop every few miles for an au naturale break,as [cycling commentator] Phil Liggett would put it. That made for some long rides," Scott said. "I was worried that the problem was going to escalate until I had to have a catheter installed to keep going."

The cycling diaper is expensive.

Smith said that the cycling diaper is priced at $100 a case, nearly twice the cost of adult Depends.

"But the convenience of the cycling diaper far outweighs its premium price. I guarantee that the cycling diaper will cut significant time off a cyclist,s ride," Smith said.





Sunday, December 11, 2011

Iowa State Professor Reprimanded for Wishing a Colleague Merry Christmas

Satire

Dr. Michael Blowhard says he received a letter of reprimand from the Iowa State University Political Correctness Committee for wishing a colleague a "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year."

The letter of reprimand said, "The ISU Political Correctness Committee has received a complaint from Dr. Lulu Marcos that you wished her a "Merry Christmas  and a Happy New Year" when you passed her in front of Catt Hall. That is unacceptable at a public university with students, faculty, and staff who are non-Christians or atheists."

The letter further said that if Blowhard persisted in trying to spread Christmas cheer and wishes for a great new year on the campus, he would be required to attend political correctness counseling.

Blowhard, director of the Greenlawn School of Journalism and Communication, told The Smith Report, "I couldn't believe it when I received the letter of reprimand from the PCC. Anyone will tell you that I am consistently politically correct. It just slipped out when I met Dr. Marcos that day because I was in a good mood. I didn't mean anything by it."

Marcos said in an interview with The Smith Report that she was gob smacked he would make a statement like that to her.

"I was stunned. He walked right up to me with a big smile and said, 'Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.' On an university campus, of all places," she said.

The PCC Chairperson Warren Blumenfeld, an associate professor of education, said that it is important to nip any political incorrectness in the bud on an university campus.

"Sure some might think it is harsh for my committee to issue a reprimand for wishing a colleague Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. But where might that lead? Next thing you know, Michael might start sending out Christmas cards to university people," Blumenfeld said.

Blumenfeld has long been opposed to any holiday celebrations on the ISU campus.

He told the ISU Daily in 2005, "Some of us are very upset of the display of religious symbolism, especially Christian symbolism during Christmas time. You can't even see the walls. There are Christmas trees, there are ornaments, there's displays."

Blumenfeld said that "Happy Holidays" were just code words for "Merry Christmas," adding that no holiday references of any sort should be made on campus.

"We want to make sure there is no covert Christmas joy being spread around the campus," he said.

But retired professor Kim Smith has a different view on the situation:

All of us at The Smith Report wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

























Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Graduating Iowa State University Senior Rants about Weird Professors

A graduating student says most of her professors at Iowa State University were strange as hell..

Carrie Catt told The Smith Report Wednesday, "I recognize that most of these professors were experts in their fields. But why the hell do they have to be so frickin' strange? Some of them just creeped me out."

Catt said her professors behavior in the classroom would have gotten them fired in any work place. She provided a few examples, with names deleted.

She said she had a journalism professor who was self conscious about her ass.

"She would refer to the size of her butt at least once in every lecture. Seriously. Her rear end is big and flabby. But I didn't want to be thinking about her ass in the middle of class," Catt said.

Then she said there was "two-suit jackets" Johnson (not his real name).

"I don't know how much they pay professors at ISU. But the guy who taught my math class apparently only owned two suit jackets, which he alternated every other lecture. One was a tan corduroy with patches on the elbow and the other was a navy blue blazer. Couldn't he afford to buy a couple of sweaters or something, just for variety's sake?" Catt said.

Catt said she seriously wondered if one of her professors was schizophrenic.

"I had a professor who would talk to himself during lecture. The funny thing is that he knew several languages and would use a different one every time. What was that about? I was worried that he was hearing voices in his head and would freak out one day," she said.

Catt said some of her professors often disclosed intimate details of their personal lives.

"I had an English professor who was going through a divorce. She would start each lecture with an update about the situation to explain why she hadn't had time to prepare for class. And usually her lectures did blow. But we didn't need to hear about what an asshole her ex-husband was, especially because he taught in the same department," Catt said. "Sometimes she embarassed all of us by having a crying jag."

Catt said she worried about an economics professor hurting himself in class.

"My micro-economics professor used to climb over desks and do all kinds of crazy stuff when he asked people questions. He would stand in the aisle holding himself up on a desk pretending to be about to collapse and begging people to give him the right answer to save him. Is that normal behavior? I don't think some," she said.

Catt said she had a political science professor who apparently thought everyone was a Democrat. So he would start each lecture with a joke making fun of President Bush.

"Every lecture he would come in and tell an anti-Bush joke. One example: 'George Bush was asked what he thought about Roe v. Wade. He said he thought it was just about the most important decision George Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware.' I got pretty fed up with jokes like that," she said.

Catt said she always wondered how some of her professors managed to earn a doctorate, given how lazy some of them were.

"I took a sociology course from one dick who assigned a 20-page term paper. But then he decided he didn't have time to read all of them. So he randomly picked a few paragraphs in each paper and based our grades on them. I'm not making this up," she said.

Catt said some of her professors made fools of themselves trying to relate to the students.

"I had a stat prof who thought all the women in the class were head over heels in love of Justin Bieber. Apparently he read People magazine a lot. So he would constantly talk about what a cool guy Justin Bieber was. I eventually became a little worried about his sexual inclinations," Catt said.

Catt said she was looking forward to a life outside of an university with more normal people.

"ISU should give professor candidates psychological tests before they hire them," Catt said. "I learned in a business class that most corporations do that now. Drug testing might not be a bad idea either."